


Beans? Beeeeeeans.

by Starshe11



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Brotherhood: Final Fantasy XV, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-12 02:29:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16864492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starshe11/pseuds/Starshe11
Summary: 4:30 PM. Don’t forget the goods.





	Beans? Beeeeeeans.

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: “I’m listening to you. I’m just not paying attention.” + Ignis

4:30 PM. Don’t forget the goods.

Ignis sighed, adjusting the large envelope in the crook of his arm as he recalled the brief ‘encounter’ he’d had earlier that day. While not an uncommon occurrence in all his time at the Citadel, there was still no stopping the slight wave of mixed irritation and resignation that pulsed in his gut with each one.

 

“Let’s see what he’s come up with this time…” The seventeen year-old chamberlain grunted as he brought up his free hand to the dark wooden doors in front of him. A quick series of raps to a familiar beat granted him access, the person behind the door greeting him with a shove and a hurried ‘get in’.

Once they were sure the door was firmly shut behind them, the doorkeeper turned to Ignis, sending him a small smirk.

 

“Right on time, Specky. You bring the…”

“Yes, Noct.” Ignis tossed the envelope onto the crown prince’s bed, promptly taking a seat. “The papers are all there.”

 

“Excellent.” Noctis’ grin seemed almost wolfish in the afternoon light. “Say your prayers, Iggy. You’re going down today.”

“Best not to count your chocobos before they’ve hatched, Highness.” Ignis returned the gesture with equal fervor. “Never in all our years of friendship have you actually been able to convince me to have His Majesty sign that ridiculous document you had me draft way back when.”

 

“It’s not ridiculous, it’s a matter of national urgency.” The crown prince’s expression morphed into one of mock offense. Grabbing his laptop bag from the corner of the room, he pointed to his adviser. “Now listen up and listen well, because I’m gonna make you turn those words into a new recipe, and force it down your throat ”

“I’d like to see you try.” Ignis calmly folded his hands onto his lap. “At least try to make your case and presentation sound remotely coherent this time.”

~~~~~~

And to Ignis’ surprise, it actually was.

 

Ridiculous title aside (’‘Beans? Beeeeans.’? Really? Next thing I know, Noct will have a carrot stick in between his teeth and call it a metaphor.’), Noctis had done quite a bit of research this time. Etymology, diseases over the course of history caused by vegetables, and even a study or two on common vegetable pests.

‘Color me impressed.’ Ignis mused as Noctis brought up the next slide. Barely suppressing a smirk, he thought, ‘But I’ll be damned if I let him get away with his terrible eating habits.’

 

“According to studies, like this one from biologist S. Yeagre…” Noctis continued to explain. He could smell victory so close at hand, and it smelled like a perfectly good steak. “The level of pesticides present in all vegetables has been increasing at an alarming rate, especially given how some species have evolved due to the Starscourge.”

 

“Mmhmm.” Ignis pretended to nod absent-mindedly. Oh how he hated to lie…

…But he wouldn’t lie that he was very good at it, either.

 

“Okaaay…” Noctis tried to appear nonchalant as he flipped to the next slide. Why did Ignis suddenly look so bored?

But he wouldn’t give up now, dammit! Not when this was the closest he’d ever gotten to cracking the stern adviser.

 

On the screen were some of the more powerful pesticides on the market, complete with their chemical composition. Seeing Ignis’ emerald hues light up in mild curiosity, Noctis continued with renewed vigor.

“Imagine…they use these to kill those damn pests! Sprays loaded with toxins powerful enough to kill a garulet!” The prince emphasized his point by showing a picture of said beast. “Through my eating of vegetables, I’m slowly killing myself from the inside out.”

 

“Yes…” The older teen murmured, his face a perfect mask of indifference. While he certainly didn’t expect a sudden chemistry lesson (’The list of organochlorides were a nice touch’), he would not be swayed.

Noctis noticed this immediately and set to try a different tack. If Ignis was really screwing with him…he’d know.

 

“That means in less than a month, my brain will be screwed up enough for me to do a lap dance on you while juggling and singing the chocobo theme song.” The younger teen said as nonchalantly as possible, fighting down the urge to laugh, blush and cry all at once. “Naked.”

“Alright…” Ignis replied just as nonchalantly, suppressing his own urges to either burst into laughter or smack the prince for saying such things. He knew this little trick from over the years, even anticipating it.

 

That meant the game was his.

 

“…You’re not even listening to me, are you?” Noctis sighed, switching his laptop to Sleep mode.

“I’m listening to you. I’m just not paying attention.” Ignis shrugged, already making his way towards the door with the envelope in tow. “In any case, its my victory. Better luck next time, Highness.”

 

“Wait, I…” The sound of Noctis’ voice hung in the air as the door clicked shut, taking Ignis along with it.

Flopping onto the bed, all the prince could do was sigh as victory eluded him once more.

 

“…Damn you, Specs.”


End file.
